In this post I will share with you a more personal story which I was unsure if I should, but I feel it’s important to share for those of you that might be going through something similar. I hope this reminds you that you’re not alone and gives you the help and inspiration you need.
For the past few months I have been facing a pretty big and important decision in my life regarding my relationship with my husband. We have been together for 6 and a half years, and recently it’s become obvious to me that we have been growing apart and I don’t have the equal partnership that I want in the relationship.
My intuition has been telling me that staying is not favorable for my growth and I need space. But it’s been extremely challenging to take action because he was jobless for a long time, entirely financial dependent on me, and I was concerned to just leave him in the situation he was in.
Like a lot of empaths and healers at heart, for a long time I’ve been more focused on the wellbeing and happiness of others around me than my own. I ignored my own needs in the relationship for many years and didn’t realize it until recently.
I was in charge of buying the food, cooking healthy meals, looking after him when he was sick, making an income with a full-time job, and trying to start and build a business on the side. Yes he helped around the house, but the amount of effort was far from equal.
I have tried to communicate and be the most understanding and patient person I can be, and even though some things have improved it still felt we are on completely different levels.
So I tormented myself for months between being in or out, unsure of what would be the right thing to do – I am usually a pretty structured person that likes to have closure and be crystal clear on where I am at and what the future will look like.
I asked for advice from friends, counselors, went for tarot readings, all in the hope of having someone give me a solution…but of course that never came, because only I could know what decision is right for me.
So I just gave up trying to force a decision and decided to just be patient and observe what happens without judgement and emotion… as much as possible.
I decided to have trust in the flow of the universe and that the right moment will come, in divine timing, where I will get clarity and the next steps will be revealed to me.
And it certainly did.
In the past month everything seemed to have been falling in the right place – events and opportunities seemingly disconnected from each other occurred within a short time and all together, making my decision clear and smooth to implement.
He got a good job. A friend moved in with us temporarily, who would help out with the rent. I effortlessly found a great spot to move into in a good location with some lovely people that I instantly clicked with. My friends and business mentors in Calgary were extremely supportive and assured me that if I wanted to go visit I would have a place to stay.
And then… Just over 2 weeks ago as I was talking to a workmate about my situation, he offered me to come with him on a road trip he was going on in 6 days.
Normally, as the structured organized person I am, I would plan trips like this weeks and months in advance. However this seemed like the perfect opportunity to go on an adventure, a trip that would refresh and boost me both personally and professionally. It wouldn’t even have cost me much because of everything that was arranged. I would get a ride with him to Toronto, staying overnight on the way with his friends. From Toronto I would get a flight to Calgary and stay with my business mentors for a while.
So within 2 days I spoke to my employer who was so understanding. I spoke with the people I would share the new house with, who were happy to keep the place for me until my return. I reconnected with a friend from back home that I hadn’t spoken to in over 7-8 years to see if i could crash on his couch in Toronto for a couple of nights until my flight, and I got a favourable response only an hour or two later.
The ease and smoothness of how it was all coming together confirmed it in my mind that this is the right decision to make so in only 2 days from the initial suggestion Scott made, I solidified my final decision, bought my flight, and packed my suitcase.
Now I’m in Calgary, and it has been an amazing adventure so far. Here are some pictures for your enjoyment 🙂
Not for a moment I regret taking that leap, despite some fears that I had of not having enough money and other doubts that crept up into my mind.
I’m ecstatic to be here and also looking forward to turning a new leaf when I get back to Halifax.
Well that was pretty long story, hopefully I didn’t bore you with the details… So why am I telling you all this?
Because I know there are a lot of people out there unhappy with the situations they are in… whether that is relationships, jobs, careers etc.
But as unhappy as they are, they find many reasons to continue staying in that situation and don’t make a change. Hoping things will get better one day, hoping and dreaming that something or someone will rescue them.
Our Lizard Brain
You see, our brains are designed for being adverse to change. Our primitive brain is evolutionary designed to help us survive and keep us safe, therefore it sees change as “unknown” therefore as potential “danger”.
The known equals safe, the unknown equals danger.
This is why change can be so difficult and scary, because it brings unpredictable and unknown outcomes. So when contemplating change, our brain will come up with various multiple reasons against that change. And the easiest option becomes to stay in the situation we already are familiar with, even though it doesn’t make us happy and fulfilled.
But significant growth can only happen through change.
Some of the most rewarding opportunities come about spontaneously, at a time when you least expect them, and require courage and faith to be followed.
Don’t stay in the same rut just because you are unsure of what will happen if you make a change. Life is too short to stay stuck and unfulfilled.
When you get old and look back on your life, you will not regret taking chances – but you will regret not going for the things you really wanted.
This has actually been found to be one of the top 5 regrets of people on their death bed.
So if you are currently in a situation that makes you unhappy, you really have 2 choices:
- Accept the situation and make peace with it.Maybe only for the time being, maybe for good. If it’s something you cannot control – like other people, the weather – there’s no point in being upset over it, instead try to work with it.
- Change the situation.Quit that job, apply for that dream job, venture on that trip, ask for that promotion, take a first step towards that career you secretly dream of, walk away from that relationship.
Live life like an adventure, stay curious and brave, and don’t give up on your dreams. Even if you make choices along the way that later prove to not have been the best, they are precious lessons that help you grow into a better version of yourself.
I truly believe each one of us can live the life we dream of.
And as I’m slowly discovering, it’s all a balancing act between having acceptance for what is, patience, ambition to go for what you desire, and courage to take action when the opportunity presents itself.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
I know this post was a pretty long one, but it came from deep in my soul and I really hope it helps you if you’re going through anything similar and aren’t sure if you should make a change or not. Let me know in the comments if change comes easy to you or not… And if you know anyone who might find inspiration and support in this article, please share it with them.